Children, Children

For years, the right-wing succeeded in politics by infantilizing the public and using distractions to take our eyes off what was really happening in our nation: erosion of the constitution, discrediting of science, rape of the environment, prosecution of unnecessary and costly war, promotion - even celebration - of incompetence, legitimization of unbridled greed, and the largest redistribution of wealth upward in nearly a century. They, and by they I mean people like Dick Cheney and Rush Limbaugh, treated us like ungrateful children and told us we were unpatriotic if we did not listen to Daddy and do what he said.

Now it is time for the real President Obama, the adult we elected, to stand up and address the childish people around us - members of Congress, financial executives, talk show hosts, and others, who are acting like spoiled brats.

Imagine the speech, in front of both houses of Congress and the American people.

"Children, children." Put down your toys, your Nintendos and X-Boxes, and Wiis, your gas guzzling race cars, your soldier sets, your sticks and stones and slings and arrows, and yes, your twittering blackberries and text-messaging phones, and LISTEN! We are in a goddamn crisis, and we need to start acting like adults. That means you don't put more food on your plate (read debt), than you can eat. That means you use good table manners (read, say please when you ask the government for money and thank you when you receive it). That means you wait until everyone's been served until you take seconds (read bonuses). And it means you keep quiet and stop bickering while I say grace. Or I'm going to send you all to your rooms with no dessert. Understand that I'll be there for you if you fall (read AIG), but I'm not going to teach you that you'll be saved every time (read Lehman Brothers).  You're going to learn to stand on your own two feet. Do your homework (read, learn about the issues we face instead of spouting off about them). Pass the potatoes (read that's about all we have to eat right now). And help your mother and me clear the table (read we're all going to have to work together to clean up this awful mess).

A I G (A little Integrity Goes a long way)

Everyone is commenting about the millions in bonuses that AIG (Assholes in Gaga-land?) just paid out to hundreds of executives, many of whom work or worked (making their "retention bonuses" absurd) in the division responsible for the firm's near-implosion. Maureen Dowd of The New York Times is outraged and thinks the government should just breach the contracts and take back the money. Barney Frank is beyond apopleptic. Chuck Grassley thinks (then thought better of saying) that the bonus recipients should resign and commit hari kari, like the shamed samurai of old and the shamed Japanese executives of recent years. Lawrence Cunningham, a GWU law professor, laid out, in true lawlerly form, the various legal avenues through which the government might seek to abrogate the contracts on which the bonus payments were based.

The only sensible commentary has come from my sage, Tom Friedman, who has opined that if we start the business of breaking our contracts, we sacrifice the rule of law on which our democratic system is based, and suggested that the AIG people should just give back the money. Friedman noted, in his Times Op-Ed piece today, that the teachers in his town's school district voluntarily gave up their 5% pay increases this year to prevent layoffs and service cuts for students (to the tune of $89 million). That, not senseless suicide (sorry, Chuck) is honorable sacrifice. President Obama has been telling us that we all need to pull together and do what it takes to get the nation back on its feet again. And we, the taxpayers, are doing our part. The President should now use his moral authority to silence Dowd, Frank, Grassley, Cunningham, and the rest of the blowhards, critics, pundits, and know-nothings, and speak directly to the Absolute Idiotic Greedheads who got the money. He should say, you are wrong to keep it. You need to give it back. The American people are sacrificing while you are awash in ill-gotten gains.

The bonuses represent a moral, not a legal issue, and should be approached purely from that perspective. The law is not always moral, but the President is not a legislator. He is our chief executive and the leader of the free world. Beyond saying what needs to be said, Mr. Obama should put the names of all the AIG employees receiving bonuses on a government website, with an indication next to each name of how much the person has received (in total compensation, not just bonuses) and whether he or she has given the bonus money back to the company. The bonus recipients have the right to act immorally, but they do not have the right to do it in secret, when the money they are receiving is coming from public funds. If they do not feel guilt after hearing the President's words, they will surely feel shame. And we can all be proud that we are doing the right thing.